Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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