atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize