I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
