did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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