saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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