took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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