It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
