why didn't you poke me back
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
