ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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