I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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