Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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