oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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