why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
