Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
