Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
