I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
