I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize