Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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