is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
