man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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