I want to walk on stilts...naked
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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