I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
