He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
