So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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