haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
