I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
