At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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