It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
