dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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