Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
