dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
