U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize