fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
