So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
