I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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