Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
