If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
