our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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