This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
