I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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