I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
