ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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