she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone came in the potted fern
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
