Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
