MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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