her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
