it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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