go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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