Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
