After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
