I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
