if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
