You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
