I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
