Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
