are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
