I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
