Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
