mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
