you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
