My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
