I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize