You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
