Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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