3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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