In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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