i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
