I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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