You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
