so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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