Screwed.edu
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
