like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
