All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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