Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's blow job season.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
