I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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