I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize