Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize