i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
