i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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