You really coming over, don't trick.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
