Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
