worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
