Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize