my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
