im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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