I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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