dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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