Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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