Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize