Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
