Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
