just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dick has a subreddit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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