Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
