Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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