I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
