ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
